I remain queen of the illogical pursuits of the heart.  Why, oh why do I form crushes that target impossible relationships?  What do I hope to gain from this?  As I think back, it’s always been this way.  The men were either unattainable, unavailable, or completely wrong for me.  And I wonder why I am single!

*

At least I have developed… I guess.  At one time, I focused on womanizers that would inevitably smite me by moving on to the next pretty girl.  This sent me into a torrential cycle of rejection.  Rejection became the bane of my existence.  There is nothing worse.  Perceived rejection spawns a completely irrational obsession and always has. Ugh.

*

Lately, there was an attraction that developed through what seemed to be harmless flirtation. The man was/is adorable, available, and  attainable.  Only problem is that I am a devoted Christian. He is not, at all.  So, then we run into this whole issue.  Although the relationship is possible, it’s ill advised.  God help you if it ends up being long term.  You are looking at a life of him dispelling your faith and most likely laughing at your silly convictions and trust in the invisible monster and complete lack of rationalle. Can you tell I have attempted this type of relationship before? Not pleasant and utterly impossible.

*

Add to this, now I have to try to patch an uncomfortable situation of my own making with my friend . Ick. I should have never brought it up.  Should have listened to the Bible that the heart is deceptive.  Stupid heart.  Stupid hormones. Blehk.

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Can we please talk about the fact that they are just NOW burying Michael Jackson.  AND it is going to be open casket!  Is that respectful at all?  Gross.

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I am not sorry for my soul
That it must go unsatisfied,
For it can live a thousand times,
Eternity is deep and wide.

I am not sorry for my soul,
But oh, my body that must go
Back to a little drift of dust
Without the joy it longed to know.

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I would live in your love as the sea-grasses live in the sea,
Borne up by each wave as it passes, drawn down by each wave that
recedes;

I would empty my soul of the dreams that have gathered in me,
I would beat with your heart as it beats, I would follow your soul
as it leads.

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When April bends above me
And finds me fast asleep
Dust need not keep the secret
A live heart died to keep.

When April tells the thrushes,
The meadow-larks will know,
And pipe the three words lightly
To all the winds that blow.

Above his roof the swallows,
In notes like far-blown rain,
Will tell the little sparrow
Beside his window-pane.

O sparrow, little sparrow,
When I am fast asleep,
Then tell my love the secret
That I have died to keep.

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I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.

You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.

Oh plunge me deep in love, put out
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,
Swept by the tempest of your love,
A taper in a rushing wind.

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#1 Golden Rule = AnoreXia

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